Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Joyeux Noel, et al.

What is your favorite Christmas memory?

One of mine has to be when I received a dollhouse from Santa at the age of 6. The note taped to the top of the dollhouse was written in calligraphy and signed "Santa," and I was struck at how similar Santa's calligraphy was to my dad's, but I blissfully made no connection and took in the large, unpainted, unfurnished, Victorian dollhouse. Over the years, the dollhouse developed into an expensive hobby, as my mom and I collected furnishings and even wallpapered and wired it. Two of my grandmothers needlepointed miniature rugs, and a painter we knew pained a miniature portrait of me for the miniature living room. Oh, yeah, we were hardcore. Sadly, this work of art has been in storage for over 10 years, and it is my 2009 New Year's Resolution to get it the heck out of storage (in Georgia, no less!) and give it a home, hopefully a museum of some sort. But I digress.


above: not near as cool as the dollhouse i got

I have been lucky enough in my life to have spent Christmas in 5 different countries. When I was first studying in France, my parents joined me a few days before Christmas, and we all took the train from Paris to Munich to meet my brother, who was stationed at an Army base there. We spent the holidays in Germany and Austria, and it was freezing butt cold, but it was beautiful. I remember the Christmas market in Nuremberg, where we drank hot wine and enjoyed all the crafty, handmade decorations for sale and the many tasty treats. Germans know how to make cakes. I remember the Christmas Eve service we attended, where we could see our breath inside the stone church, and where we understood not a word of the entire service except for the singing of "Stille Nacht."

A few years later, I was back in France. At Christmastime, Paris dons her most beautiful festive lights and offers her most delicious holiday sweets. The French also know how to make cakes, incidentally. I was lonely that year without family but had the company of two American girlfriends, with whom I shared small gifts and ate myself into oblivion.



above: The French and their lights. Sheesh.

The following year found me at my mother's new, temporarily adopted country of Costa Rica. In this tropical Christmas, I could rewrite the Twelve Days of Christmas: 6 decorated banana trees, 5 three-toed sloths, 4 howler monkeys in the morning, 3 large snakes in the middle of the road, 2 queztal birds, and lava erupting from a live vol-caa-no! That was some visit, and some country.

Again, the following year, I would receive the gift of yet another international holiday: Christmas in Poland. Mr. P and I had started dating that year, and our Christmas would be my second time in his home country. Poland at Christmas time is a quiet, simple occasion, where food, family, and the church take center place (and possibly in that order), and gifts are simple. They celebrate for three days: Christmas Eve, Day, and the day after. They eat a vegetarian meal on the 24th, consisting of beet soup (barszcz) with uszka (little mushroom filled raviolis that go in the soup), and pierogis, usually stuffed with mushrooms and sauerkraut, or cheese and potato. Vodka, like meat, is not imbibed until the 25th (or midnight of the 24th, if one is impatient), and the first star spotted outside makes the presents appear under the tree. Our Santa is their Saint Nicholas, who makes an earlier appearance on Dec. 6 (possibly to focus on his larger job of delivering oodles of gifts to richer, fatter Westerners on the 25th). There is also a legend in Poland that animals can speak like people at midnight on the 24th. I didn't find this to be true, but perhaps I should have been more handy with the vodka.

Since those jet-setting days of my bohemian youth, I have largely spent Christmas in America, which is not a bad place to be, if I may say so myself. Each Christmas offers new surprises and adopts new traditions, but so far, no new countries at the holiday. This year, as we enjoy a new canine member of our family in our half-remodeled house, we will eat a Polish dinner, possibly skip church, and visit our families in different parts of the world via Skype.

Happy Chrismas to all, and to all a good night! (Yeah, that almost rhymed.)

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Dog v. Cat: the timeless battle

Dutchie's To Do list: Friday, Dec. 12

-go walkies with new mom and dad
-eat kibble
-destroy tennis ball
-run around like a big goof (new mom and dad seem to enjoy that)
-avoid cat
-try again to claim bed (new mom will eventually be worn down)
-take several well-earned naps
-work on bone
-avoid cat (must keep reminding myself)
-keep charm and cuteness on at all times

Vinny's To Do list: Friday, Dec. 12

KILL DOG

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Folks, I am the proud new "mom" of a sprightly, sweet, pit bull terrier named Dutchie. He came to us on Tuesday, after only a week of having found him through our vet and meeting him one time with his foster parents. Rescued as a stray from New Orleans, he acts like he lives a charmed life (I guess he does now!), and already he displays signs of great awareness and intelligence. I know it sounds corny to dote this way over a dog, but I admit, I am a bit in awe. And in love. While the addition has been a shock to my system, I find myself thinking, "this is not like the dogs I'm used to." Growing up with retrievers, I am accustomed to dogs who are sweet to a fault and simply cool with anything you want to do with them. I adore retrievers; actually, I adore all dogs, but this dog... I dunno. I can't help thinking that this dog makes the retrievers I have known look dumb. I know! I feel a little guilty saying that, but it's true. There is something else churning behind Dutchie's eyes. Not malicious, just... something. In the back of my mind, I have hopes that we can turn Dutchie into a therapy dog, but we will see all in good time.

Meanwhile, our cat Vinny is having a bit of a rough time. He's been ok with dog visitors before, though somewhat aggressive (chasing down my mom's labrador, cornering my in-laws' shitzus), but this time he is even more freaked out. To him, a curious, big-jawed canine hanging around his space and never leaving must be scary. Vinny has been an only child for 11 years, after all.

So, that's what's new with me. Good thing I cut my cable, because not only do I not have time to watch tv due to watching the dog all the time, I may actually find him more entertaining than cable. It was all I could do last night as I attempted to catch up on Top Chef to take my eyes off the dog as he pounced like a kitten on a tennis ball. (Yes, a kitten. Yes, I am a crazy dog owner now.)

Thursday, December 4, 2008

Who and what are annoying me lately

In the Holiday spirit – of Scrooge – I am making an end-of-year whiny list of which celebrities and hot topics are bugging me. This is the first installment. If I continue on my grump streak, there will be more. And hey, celebrities? Stay off my lawn!

Beyonce. Without a doubt, you are the most overrated star ever. You sing passably, you act passably, but Jennifer Hudson is one person – of many – who can sing and act (ok, maybe not completely act) circles around you. Yeah, I get that you’re cute, all boobs and butt and pretty hair, but please. Sasha Fierce? If you’re so great, why are you changing your name?

The whole Jennifer Anniston/Brad/Angelina thing.
If they were all trashier, this drama might be more interesting. On Jerry Springer. Angelina stole your man, like, 3 years ago, Jen. That’s what she does. With Brad, she will simultaneously repopulate and adopt the world, while saving it the process. Then, when she’s bored with that, she’ll go back to vamping around and cutting herself. Brad will continue to look pretty while rescuing victims of disasters and building eco-friendly buildings. What are you doing, Jen? Complaining about how uncool they are? Get over it already and stick to making movies with puppies.

Rosie O’Donnell. Thankfully, your “comeback” was but a blip on the radar, because you are seriously unbearable. Actually, you’re pretty charming, in TINY doses. I think your heart may be in the right place, but your mouth overwhelms it. Please take your “act” to one of your gay cruise ships and stay off camera for a while.

Daniel Radcliffe. I’m confused. Didn’t you already do the naked Broadway stint? Why are you at it again? Has it been one, continuous run? Why do you keep talking about your penis? I like you as Harry Potter, and you were pretty funny on that episode of Extras, but maybe you can consider taking a vacation to a nudie beach and get all that out of your system.

I just read that Jeb Bush is considering a run for Senate. My goodness, you get one out, and another one goes right back in. That family is like the multi-headed hydra serpent. Can we impose a Bush ban already?

The economy. Can you stop being a meanie and give us back our money and jobs? Thanks.