Altered States

Have you ever woken from your sleep and not known exactly where you are? Like, if you've been traveling, or you're just extremely tired, and the room is very dark, and it takes you a few seconds to remember where you are, or what you were doing last night?

Two nights ago, I woke up in the middle of the night, and not only did I not know where I was, I actually didn't know who I was. No kidding! It was as if I was completely... blank. Nothing. Slate wiped clean. In only a few seconds, I remembered, but the pieces were swirling around and assembling in my imagination like a celestial puzzle. It was the most bizarre experience. I thought... I live in -- Rockville. Yeah. Wait, why do I live in Rockville?! And then, after a few seconds of this, I just went back to sleep.

Of course, I told Mr. P this story, and he got kind of scared and then sad, and he whispered, "you're not going crazy on me, are you?" But I didn't mean to scare him, nor was I worried about myself. I actually thought it was cool, like an interesting, new mental state. (Ha- now I sound crazy.) But seriously, it was so relaxing to be blank! I can see where perpetual blankness would be inconvenient, but a few seconds? I almost wish I could tap into that place again.

Germ Free, 485 days and counting

I haven't had a cold since November 1997. That's one year and 4 months of cough, sore throat, nasal congestion free days! Holy rhinitis! Do you know that colds used to be the bane of my existence, my greatest inconvenience, my most frequent sickness? And somehow, I have warded off even the slightest colds for a year and 4 months. I haven't taken or even bought cold medication for all that time.

The cold I caught in August 2007 was a real doozy, though. I took one trip to Britain, and by the time I returned home, I had laryngitis, impacted sinuses, and a wretched cough. With a recital planned that October, I sung through all the gunk, thinking some over-the-counter meds with a sprinkling of denial would make it go away. It didn't, and a week before my recital, I had to postpone. I could not shake my cough, and nothing worked. Finally, my mother in law, all the way from Poland, recommended I try marshmallow root, an herb (or root, rather) that has been used since, allegedly, Ancient Egypt for coughs and throat irritation. Folks, she was not joking about this stuff. I was completely cured within 10 days! You can buy marshmallow root at a health food store - possibly one more hardcore than Whole Foods - and you just boil it for tea. It works, like a Mo Fo. I don't know if taking this magical marshmallow is the reason I haven't been afflicted with colds since, but I do find it a rather interesting coincidence.

I don't really have a good reason for making this post, other than to thank my lucky, lucky stars for my good health. Of course, now that I've posted it, I'll probably come down with a cold. Better stock up on the marsh' and go get some sleep!

Spinach Daquiri

Mr. P has introduced me to a new drink: a spinach and banana smoothie that I have dubbed the "Spinach Daquiri." I can't wait to host a party where I call out to our guests: "Who wants another spinach daquiri? Virgin or alcoholic?" And they will all clamor for more.

Because the Spinach Daquiri is delicious.

All you do is mix up about 1 - 2 cups of spinach (about 1/2 the blender) with one banana, and about 1/2 cup of water (just to give it a little bit of liquid, but not too much). Then you drink it. It's that easy! And it tastes like... well, you be the judge. You may be surprised.

Tasty, easy, vegetarian. What's not to love?

To give credit where credit is due, Mr. P found out about the drink from this site. The name, however, is my own.

My friends, after all my anticipation about a fresh new year, 2008 has hit me like a ton of bricks.

I got my wish to find better work: I started a new job – literally the first of the year – and it is my first administrative job in the arts world. Never mind that I haven’t been performing for over 6 months, besides a playreading or two; I’m now getting paid to help run a performing arts series. That has to be a good thing, but it has been an adjustment.

The learning curve at the job has been a steep, rugged climb. Typical of a performing arts series, they have money going in and out (mostly out) at a fast pace. They went from 2 staff members to 5 (3 part-time) in less than a year. They are struggling with administrative procedures. Most of the staff is not actually in the office most of the time. They still hand-write all their checks. I could go on, but I don’t want to sound like I’m complaining. I’m elated, actually, and I think I can help whip them into shape. And what I'm finding most exciting is how the web of the arts scene in DC is now revealing itself to me. In just two weeks at this office, I have learned so much about what is connected to whom, which artists work for this series, who among them I know and have worked with (many), and where much of the money comes from. It is fascinating, and I hope it’s just the tip of the iceberg.

I have felt so out of the loop in this town since I declared myself a “performer.” I go to auditions, but I know no one. I hear a little bit about this theater and that director, but I don’t know our seven degrees of separation. Then, there are many auditions happening that I don’t even know about. I hope in earnest that having my foot in the door now will open up my own opportunities.

In addition to the job, my home remodel is in its worst stages, and I cannot begin to describe the pandemonium in the house. Even though the house is starting to look like something, I still can’t just come home and relax on a sofa or read a book in an uncluttered or non-dusty corner. Again: not complaining, just praying for strength to get through it.

In summary: the urge to purge continues. New home, new career: it is all happening, but the growing pains hurt. But I am healthy!

Resolve THIS

You may have noticed that I tend to be a bit list-y, and I apologize if reading other people’s lists is not your cup of tea, though they can be very funny sometimes. I find lists to be my friends, especially in times of stress, which has been most of this year. They help me to organize my thoughts, and I can’t help thinking that they may be the vestiges an “organization gene” barely inherited from my compulsive mother. My mother, who, God bless her, follows a long line of bossy, OCD women, wonders over me and how I did not inherit said organization gene, to which I reply, but I can make a mean list!

Like at New Year’s. I love New Year’s resolutions, and I love listing them. I often have boring resolutions, like “exercise more,” “eat less junk,” and “get out of bed before 9,” that kind of thing. This year, I thought I’d come up with some fun ones, especially since this year I am more in need of serious, boring reminders, er, resolutions, than ever before. Here goes.

Drink more rum. I was thinking, I don’t drink many rum drinks. And rum is so fun! The words almost rhyme. Rum can both warm you up, as in a hot toddy, and cool you down, as in a mojito. Rum is universal, consumed from chilly Britain to the hot Caribbean. Rum is sweet as candy, unlike, say, gin, which is harsh and dry, or vodka, which makes me scrunch up my face when I down a sip, or brandy, which makes my esophagus burn. Honestly, I’m not a big drinker, but a cocktail from time to time makes me feel like I’m really living it up. The best thing about this resolution is: I drink one rum drink, and I can check it off, because I almost never drink rum. Cheers!

Dance more. Again, don’t do this nearly enough. I feel like such a blob this year, as I exercise very little. I’m not sure walking to the metro counts. I’m talking, really sweat. I love belly dancing, ballroom dancing, even stupid dancing. (That would be what I do free-form at weddings and the like.) Even if I can never commit to a dance class, I could go out to some of those Cuban bars (with the mojitos, hello, resolution #1!), and Mr. P and I could get down. That’d be fun. I think I must check this resolution off at least twice a month.

Keep joy in my artistic work, dignity in my day job, pay bills on time, balance my checkbook, (or at least keep track of expenses) iron out my mental issues, stay physically healthy and fit, finish the home remodel, practice acceptance, compassion, and patience, and maintain a positive attitude.
Ok, so maybe I have only two fun resolutions and whole slew of serious ones. I know what I need to do this year, and most of it will require hard work, perseverance, and patience.

According to Chinese astrology, 2008 will be the Year of the Rat. I was born in the Year of the Rat, and they say that a rat year is a good year to make a fresh start.

Here’s hoping a little Rat Luck will be on my side, and yours, too, this New Year.

Me Cook Good (sometimes)

I'm not much of a cook, really. I'm a bit of a spaz in the kitchen, and often, I catch something on fire. I enjoy cooking, but I didn't grow up in a gastronomic family, and despite my enjoyment for eating, I've never had a natural sense for what flavors work well together, what happens chemically to ingredients mixed together, or how to create a dish from a few random foods found in the refrigerator. However, in mere survivalist form, I have learned how to whip up a few things, and the few dishes or items I know are pretty tasty.

Here are just a few:

1. Chicken Soup

2. hot chocolate (just a little bit spicy, a la mexicaine)

3. omlette (only recently learned that 3 eggs are better than 2)

4. pommes de terre au gratin (Or: potatoes au gratin) (I learned it in France, and they have better cream there. No, seriously, they do. But it still works here)

5. red cabbage (this one is a bit of a surprise to me)

6. ratatouille (Even if you speak French, it’s still hard to say)

Sleep Now

I just tried hypnosis for the first time. In a workshop for actors (free with my Actors Center membership!), I surrendered myself to a certified hypnotherapist, who helped me and a dozen other hopefuls to fill our minds with positive affirmations in order to increase our confidence and ease our anxieties in auditions.

I feel like someone just massaged my subconscious.

I used to think hypnotherapy was a non-scientific, spooky, old-fashioned brainwashing or regression technique used to sort through trauma. I would picture a Freud-like figure dangling a golden pendant in front of a gullible (beautiful, young) lady's eyes, commanding her to "sleep... sleeeeppp..." Instead, I found it a lot like meditation, but with exterior positive reinforcement. That's right: hypnotherapy is mind programming.

There is, actually five kinds of mind programming: 1. by repetition, 2. in a highly emotional state, 3. in an altered state (this is hypnotherapy), 4. by an authority figure, and 5. by your peers. In television advertising, we typically see all five of these techniques at work at one time. Scary thought, no?

So, what was it like? Besides meditating (which I don't do enough of), it reminded me of the first time I went scuba diving. Weighed down with an oxygen tank and additional weights, I submerged 25 feet under the water with the help of a rope tied from the boat to the a rock on the ocean floor. Little by little, I "climbed" down this rope, adjusting my ears every few feet. It was a pretty brilliant means of descent, actually. This is what it felt like to sink down into deep relaxation, as I held onto the "rope" that was my instructor's voice.

We all went "under" twice, but don't let the word "under" alarm you. I did not feel under anyone's influence, but rather, awake, in control, and just so, so relaxed. My body felt like a liquid blob. When she brought us "out" of this state, I felt happy and refreshed, like I just awoken from a good night's sleep and a pleasant dream. She said we were in a theta state, which is that feeling you may get if you are in the process of dozing off but still can hear what's going on around you.

I have yet to put my new auditioning affirmations to test, so the effects remain to be seen. I hope very much that when my anxieties start to creep up in a high-pressure performance situation, my newly-programmed subconscious will take the wheel and steer me towards smooth, confident sailing. I know one thing: hypnosis felt good, and I think I want more.

While it snows outside and Mr. P and I nurse our new colds (yes, I have another cold, hooray!), I have been working on perfecting my chicken soup recipe. Actually, I don't have a recipe, so technically, I am perfecting my first recipe of chicken soup. Good news, though: I did it. I made a chicken soup that is both delicious and nutritious, and it's not disgusting to look at, either. Here it is (sorry, my vegetarian friends):

Quesadelia's Chicken Soup

Ingredients

1 whole small chicken
liquid chicken broth (about 1 liter)
1 onion
1 small bunch of carrots (fresh, with greens)
a few hearts of celery
butter
5 small Yukon Gold potatoes
your choice of spices (parsley, thyme, salt, pepper... etc)

1. Remove packaged giblets from inside the chicken. Cut whole chicken up into about 4 - 5 pieces, but do not remove skin or bones; keep the chicken intact. Place in a large pot and cover with liquid chicken broth and water.

2. Bring chicken and water to boil, then let simmer for at least one hour or hour and a half. Frequently skim fat off top of water with a skimmer.

3. While the chicken cooks, prepare your mirepoix: finely chop an entire onion and add to a few tablespoons of melted butter in a saute pan. Saute the onions until they are soft, then add a few, finely chopped carrots and celery hearts. Carrots do not need to be peeled, but you will need to remove their greens. Mirepoix ratio should be: 50% onion, 25% carrots, 25% celery.

4. After the chicken has cooked for a while, remove the chicken (or chicken parts) from the stock, and cut the meat from the bones. Remove the skin as well. Place just the meat back into the stock.

5. Place your prepared mirepoix into the stock with the chicken meat.

6. Peel and chop potatoes into nice, bite-sized pieces, and add to the soup.

7. Season the soup with salt, pepper, and your choice of spices, such as thyme, parsley, dill, and/or juniper.

Soup does not need to cook much longer, just long enough to cook the potatoes. Then you can enjoy a nice, hearty, wintry soup. It will make your cold feel better; it will also make you feel happier.

STRESS

So, here's what's going on, and why I have not been blogging:

1. I have a cold, again. Actually, the cough from my cold in August never completely went away, and it has just flared up again. And I have a recital in 10 days! This is how my body reacts to stress: my respiratory system crashes.

2. Mr. P was hospitalized on Sunday with acute abdominal pain. This is how he reacts to stress: his stomach freaks out. They have no idea what it was, but a CT scan showed a bowel obstruction, which eventually cleared up. However, he is not yet feeling normal. He had a recital coming up, too, and he had to reschedule it.

3. My niece was in a bad horseback riding accident. She is fine but bruised and battered. She is only 9 years old. It is disturbing to see a black-and-blue child.

4. My mom is undergoing her second back surgery in a year and a half. She has been in excruciating pain, so I pray that this second surgery will get her back on her feet (literally).

5. My dad is on my case about every little thing, and I am this close to telling him to bugger off. He doesn't like our "lifestyle" and thinks I'm "in trouble," but he is not "helping me out" in any "constructive way." Bleh! I don't have time for this.

Here's what's going right:

1. Mr. P finished his recording (at least, the recording part of it, still has to edit), so he should have something to market in only a few weeks (God willing).

2. That movie Into the Wild was really cool. Sad, but inspiring.

Yeah, that about does it.

I promise to get back on top of things very soon, with healthy lungs and blogging about fun stuff.

I'm not sure if heart attacks are "covered"

I nearly went into cardiac arrest today when I received a bill in the mail. It was from my doctor, and the amount I owed, from neatly tallied visit expenses, was nearly $500.

Mr. P and I, who are basically self-employed, have new health insurance as of this year. I was very proud of myself for finding an "affordable" plan that would cover routine doctor visits (at least, that's what I understood), in exchange for a low monthly payment and $25 co-pays. We had been without insurance for the better part of 2006, and we were no longer willing to play with fate.

Last year, I became afflicted with periodic dizzy spells, which picked up in frequency earlier this year. Not one to ever rush to the doctor, I feared my body might be trying to tell me something, and I decided to get it checked out. During the course of my visits to the doctor, during which time I had my heart thoroughly tested and checked out, I would receive statements from my insurance company, with detail of office and tests expenses, "repriced" amounts and, in a little box on the bottom, a number, under a column titled, "covered medical." Each of these statements came with the heading, "This is NOT a bill." So, I thought, 'how nice! They are covering all of my expenses! Wow. Isn't it nice to have insurance again?'

Until today, I thought I was one lucky American. Michael Moore was wrong; some Americans don't pay much for insurance and still get their expenses covered. Then the bill came, the bill I was not expecting, and my illusion was shattered. And I feel like such an idiot for believing otherwise.

The irony of the whole thing is, I may not have gone to the doctor at all for these dizzy spells, if I had known I would be paying for so many of the tests. (Yes, that is how cheap I am.) As it turned out, my dizzy spells miraculously stopped - and I mean STOPPED - a few days after my last visit to the doctor. Was it psychological? I'm not sure. The tests (and I took many) confirmed that my heart was in perfect working order, so thank goodness for that; I am certainly grateful to be in good health. For today, at least, I will not be a woman who suffers from heart disease and is unaware of it.

Basically, what I received as an insured patient was a discount on my expenses. I suppose it's not the end of the world. I don't pay high taxes, and now I know that I am in excellent health. However, I am concerned about what will happen if I, or Mr. P, ever actually get sick.

Go- ji!

If you have not tried goji juice, or the goji berry, you may want to check it out. Since I started taking it (drinking it, that is), I have had no bouts of depression, I feel less overwhelmed, and my energy level is better. And I was a skeptic when I first tried it.