Sleep Now

I just tried hypnosis for the first time. In a workshop for actors (free with my Actors Center membership!), I surrendered myself to a certified hypnotherapist, who helped me and a dozen other hopefuls to fill our minds with positive affirmations in order to increase our confidence and ease our anxieties in auditions.

I feel like someone just massaged my subconscious.

I used to think hypnotherapy was a non-scientific, spooky, old-fashioned brainwashing or regression technique used to sort through trauma. I would picture a Freud-like figure dangling a golden pendant in front of a gullible (beautiful, young) lady's eyes, commanding her to "sleep... sleeeeppp..." Instead, I found it a lot like meditation, but with exterior positive reinforcement. That's right: hypnotherapy is mind programming.

There is, actually five kinds of mind programming: 1. by repetition, 2. in a highly emotional state, 3. in an altered state (this is hypnotherapy), 4. by an authority figure, and 5. by your peers. In television advertising, we typically see all five of these techniques at work at one time. Scary thought, no?

So, what was it like? Besides meditating (which I don't do enough of), it reminded me of the first time I went scuba diving. Weighed down with an oxygen tank and additional weights, I submerged 25 feet under the water with the help of a rope tied from the boat to the a rock on the ocean floor. Little by little, I "climbed" down this rope, adjusting my ears every few feet. It was a pretty brilliant means of descent, actually. This is what it felt like to sink down into deep relaxation, as I held onto the "rope" that was my instructor's voice.

We all went "under" twice, but don't let the word "under" alarm you. I did not feel under anyone's influence, but rather, awake, in control, and just so, so relaxed. My body felt like a liquid blob. When she brought us "out" of this state, I felt happy and refreshed, like I just awoken from a good night's sleep and a pleasant dream. She said we were in a theta state, which is that feeling you may get if you are in the process of dozing off but still can hear what's going on around you.

I have yet to put my new auditioning affirmations to test, so the effects remain to be seen. I hope very much that when my anxieties start to creep up in a high-pressure performance situation, my newly-programmed subconscious will take the wheel and steer me towards smooth, confident sailing. I know one thing: hypnosis felt good, and I think I want more.

Like a Deer in the Headlights

I had my first casting agency audition yesterday. It did not go as well as I had hoped. The few times I've auditioned for the camera, I have been unnaturally relaxed. I find acting for the camera a very intimate and personal experience, and I am comfortable with that. But lately, I have become jumpy and insecure with auditions and performing, and I nearly sabotage myself with fears, especially the fear of forgetting my lines. I am experienced enough that I should not be concerned about forgetting my lines, but my demons are springing up again, convincing me that for some odd reason, my memory is failing.

First of all, I had to wait an hour and 15 min for my audition, even though it was scheduled for a specific time. Waiting for an audition is always difficult; I have not mastered the art of staying focused and relaxed for an extended period of time. I understand, however, that auditions get backed up, so I am patient. When they finally ushered me in, (and I could tell the guy was tired and really just wanted to go get a sandwich), I suddenly became very insecure about the way I looked; specifically, I was aware that my nipples were popping through my form-fitting shirt. I'm not kidding. It was as if they suddenly came to life with the camera, and I was painfully aware that they would be captured on screen. Ugh. I started my monologue, and about three lines in, my mind went, uhhh, what's the next thing I'm supposed to say? SHIT. panic. panic. Oh, yeah, something about lemonade: "blah, blah, bl-" NO! Not that! She DIDN'T make me lemonade. "Uh..." backpeddle. fumble. Go on.

So, I finished up the monologue, and I may have even had a good moment or two, but I know that fumble counted against me. Like dead air on a radio station. Then, I read from a script, and it was perfect, at least from my point of view. I had the whole thing memorized (??) (see how crazy this is? I blank out on a monologue that I've had memorized, but something I just got an hour earlier, I know by heart). Then, the guy was like, "Ok. Thanks." Practically shoving me out of the door, he did not ask me to fill out additional paperwork like some of the girls before me did. Mmm.

Basically, I got a false start on my monologue, and I very well may have blown a potentially important audition. It's impossible to judge, but... I have a bad feeling. So, how to avoid this? For starters, I think I'm going to start monologues differently. I am going to start them as if I am going to sing. Which is, first: BREATHE. I always forget to breathe.

And I need to just forget about my nipples. Gah!