Thursday, January 8, 2009

Facebook is giving me social anxiety

Reasons why I am almost over Facebook:

1. Nearly half of my high school graduating class is on now, and they are my "friends." Why are they suddenly my friends when I only had, oh, I dunno, about a dozen real friends when we were all in school together? It may sound cold, but I really don't care about most of these women. I haven't seen the majority of them since graduation, and no one has ever bothered to send notes to the alumnae magazine, so why should I suddenly be interested? Also, it's going to be much more difficult to avoid my 20 year high school reunion.

2. Now that my high school class is one big happy group of friends, I get to hear all about their exciting (read: boring) lives and their adorable (read: um, yeah) little children. Look, I don't lead an exciting life either, but I don't want to hear the details of the lives of unexciting strangers.

2.a. Just so that you know I am not a total curmudgeon, there are a few women I care about from my high school.

3. My senior year prom date is on Facebook, but he has not friended me. He has friended my friends. He has friended my former best friend who stabbed me in the back senior year, and he has friended my friend who stole him from me a few weeks after prom when the senior class went to Destin, FL, but I stayed behind. She shacked up with him on some boat down there. He lives in Ohio now.

4. One of my former boyfriends from college has been hanging out in my Friend Suggestion box for weeks now. "Boyfriend" may be a generous term for someone whom I casually dated for a few months sophomore year and coldly sloughed off because I was both insecure about boys (I know), and his friends annoyed me. It's true. I broke up with this nice boy because he had this best friend who was really super annoying and always hanging out with us. One of my college friends "suggested" him to me on FB (not the annoying friend), and I'm sure he did the same to the guy by suggesting me, so I'm waiting to see if former "boyfriend" will make his move. So far, it's an impasse. But I figure, as long as he doesn't even have a profile picture, I don't need to friend him.

5. I'm tired of seeing the status updates of my performer "friends" who work all the time. "OMG:got an audition!" "OMG: read my great review!" "OMG: my latest album won a ____ award!" Shut up, performing artists with work.

6. My parents are on FB. All FOUR of them. Enough said.

I can't just stop visiting Facebook to avoid this general awkwardity. I do enjoy seeing many of my friends there as well as snooping on others whom I wouldn't otherwise know what they're doing. I can see where internet social interaction is like real social interaction: both make me passive aggressive.