The Year of Living Dangerously

I'm so sorry, my darlings, that I have been neglectful, but things have changed in Quesadelia Land (it's an actual place!), and I've had some thinking to do. Especially about this past year, ol' 2 thousand and 9. It was a weird one, no? It was...

The Year of Douchebag Famewhores (and even those who didn't mean to be famewhores but ended up being a douchebags)
- Jon Gosselin became Father of the Year, while wifey Kate took advantage of his cheatin', schemin' ways to garner pity and cash in- all to raise her huge brood, of course.
- Octomom became a household name, because she is not actually human but rather a spider who can lay hundreds of eggs at once.
- Balloon Boy sailed across the sky for a couple of nail-biting hours, at least we thought at the time. Manipulating the press and emergency services to become famous? Low. Manipulating your kids in order to manipulate the press to become famous? Pathetic.
- A couple crashed a party at the White House and became famous overnight. Congrats, annoying couple! Maybe after you pay your hefty fine (if you don't actually go to jail or something), you can earn it back by teaching classes on how to pose for pictures with Heads of State. That draping-over-the-Vice-President feat was impressive!
- Squeaky clean, super famous, super rich athlete Tiger Woods was busted for lustful excess. Are we really surprised? And do we really have sympathy for the Mrs.? I mean, it kind of sucks for her, but I'm thinking theirs was not exactly the love story of the decade. He was a rising star, and he bought her, and then he bought everything else he wanted. So now we know he's human. Let's move on.

The Year of Perplexing Celebrity Deaths
To be fair, every year we lose someone very famous, and that person is young, and we are all very sad. And interested in how/why it happened. But this year, it did feel like, for a while there, public figures were dropping like flies.
- We lost Natasha Richardson early in the year, and her death was sobering and tragic. She hit her head on a ski slope, and then she was gone. It didn't seem fair.
- Then we lost MICHAEL JACKSON, and who saw that one coming? In retrospect, yes, it was just a matter of time, but still. There was no one more famous, and there was no one with more cringe-inducing factors going into his demise.
- We lost Farrah Fawcett and Patrick Swayze to cancer.
- Now Brittany Murphy? Weird, sad, tragic.
I hope, when (if) I go to Heaven, I see all my favorite celebrities. May they be at peace.

The Year South Carolina Puts Itself on the Map
Fun Fact #1: My sister had a date with Governor Mark Sanford back when she was a debutante and he was a 20-something bachelor from a prominent family. She only remembered this fact when he made the news this year, in his very classy way. Then she thanked her lucky stars that they only had the one date, and she ended up marrying a cowboy from rural Georgia.
Fun Fact #2: That douche who heckled the President in the fall is my Dad's Congressman. I don't think he voted for him, but still.
Fun Fact #3: My Dad is always calling his Senator, Republican Lindsey Graham, an "asshole." (That's just a fun, bonus fact for S.C.)

Oh, and also, Gov. Mark Sanford refused (or tried to refuse?) the President's stimulus money to his state.
South Carolina: Proud and prouder!

The Year of Transition for Quesadelia
After more than a few uninspiring and career distracting jobs, Quesadelia is forced to succumb to her destiny and teach music. I may regret saying this, but I'm kind of glad the whole Recession thing happened. At least for me (and of course, it's all about MEEEEE), it has forced me to re-think, re-design, and start over. As a result, however, I will be stopping this blog. Oh, I'll still blog somewhere, but right now, I have to hunker down and write a bunch of articles for my teaching website, not to mention maintain the site, practice music, advertise, and start up another business or two. I have plans! And I kind of have to protect my online identity.

So, this is goodbye, at least for now. May 2010 be full of luck and blessings for you. I hope you will send me some good vibes, too. I will be in touch.

I Blame Jenny McCarthy

Have you checked out Jim Carrey's website? You should, just for the experience. I have to give the guy props for the Bosch-ian creatures and themes there - birdies with his head, weird things in the sky - and just the utter mish-mash of it all. That said, I'm not a fan of sites that automatically play music, and the links are not terribly smooth, either (how do I simply read his filmography? Oh, screw it - I'm just going to go to imdb.com). Ok, so perhaps it's a bit annoying. Oh, and if you click on Biography, you'll get a big, nasty eyeball. Unacceptable!

The Olsens are all over that

Halloween may be over, but you can still dress like a club-footed demon from Hell. That's right: these are actual "boots," designed by someone allegedly famous, and I don't think they're intended as a joke. Or maybe fashion is just a big joke anyway. Who knows? Why ask why?

Sunny Days, Sweeping the Clouds Away

Sesame Street is just about to turn 40! I'm so happy for this classic show that entertained and educated me as a little kid. Did you know that it started with an objective to reach out to preschoolers at home who weren't going to good schools, or weren't going to school at all? And that Cookie Monster used to binge eat and smoke? Ah, those nutty 60s!

Today the Street emphasizes healthy diets and exercise (especially yoga) -- even Cookie Monster watches his line and only indulges in cookies occasionally. Here's to another 40 years!

Marry A Gay Today

That's the slogan to the new movement I'm starting. It's a grass roots movement that will rise up and overturn all of these ridiculous laws that do not allow consenting adults to legally make a commitment to one another.

Banning gay marriage is a direct violation of civil rights.

(Disclaimer: I have not marched yet for gay rights, although I've talked up and down about the issue. Maybe it's time I start.)

Let's Go Visit Some Graves, Kids!

I positively love this concept: graveyard tourism!

If this isn't "me," I don't know what is. I think cemeteries are fascinating and I love to visit them. Although, I didn't always feel this way. It was living in France that helped me to "discover" cemeteries. Not only are tons of famous people buried in cemeteries throughout Paris, but they so peaceful and serene. (well, duh - of course they're peaceful; bunch of dead people there!) No, but I mean, in the middle of a dense and busy city, it's rather relaxing to sit for a spell in a Parisian cemetery. It's like a park, but with lots of personal history around you. Also, cemeteries in France are especially lovely on Nov. 1, the day after Halloween, when families lay flowers on the graves of their loved ones. Mix those flowers with the colors of the fall leaves, and it's quite a sight.

I dunno. I must be a goth at heart.

Hallelujah, I Free

I didn't tell you, officially, that I lost my job two weeks ago. Well, perhaps I didn't "lose" it; Oscar Wilde, for one, would deem such an act careless. I know where it is. It just doesn't belong to me anymore.

Over the course of my almost-two year tenure, my boss promised me a number of things. Below are some of her "promises;" can you guess which one came true? (Hint: there is only one correct answer)

1. "I will give you more hours."
2. "You will get a raise."
3. "You can telecommute occasionally."
4. "You can telecommute when I can give you more hours."
5. "You can perform in one of our shows."
6. "You will be let go on October 15th."
7. "You can stay on after October 15th, on contract."

I think you get the picture. I only agreed to work there for the experience. It was below my paygrade, but I knew I was making a career transition, and accepting the position seemed like a good idea at the time.

I will spare you the details of my employment there. It's possible, anyway, that someone connected to that place will find this blog, and then I'll be blacklisted for life. Suffice it to say that I am happy to be "out" and on my own.

Because I'm working for myself now, suckas!

Mr. P and I have opened a music studio, and it's going gang-busters. Who knew? First of all, who knew I could teach music, at all? Turns out, I'm totally in my element! I actually really love it! I mean, it's challenging. I haven't played guitar in ages, and now I'm teaching it, so I'm all - eee! Better catch up fast. And then singing: I feel very competent and knowledgeable now teaching singing, but my piano skills are el suckitude, so that makes me nervous every time. Not that I'm expected to be some great pianist as a voice teacher (I've had a number of voice teachers who weren't), but it would be nice if I could give them something to sing over.

Despite these small hesitations, I'm noticing many benefits to teaching. A.) I work for myself. B.) The money's pretty good. C.) There's a demand for it. D.) It's like "tightening my gears" as a musician. E.) My life is now consumed with music. I mean, what's not to like here? It's awesome. There is absolutely no down side.

I don't want to jinx it and start bragging or anything, but I think I can safely say that I'm off to a great start in my new career, and it's more than a welcome change after this difficult and anxiety-ridden year I have been having. It's pretty ironic that I looked for nine months for another office job, with no result, and then I open up for teaching, and in TWO WEEKS I replace my measly previous income, and it's only going up from there.

And we even have many more plans for expansion, and not just for the music studio/school! I'll tell you more about that at a later time.

Right now I have to run to my piano lesson. (That's right: the student becomes the teacher becomes the student again. Hey, I gotta keep up here!)

I Wonder if Robert Knows Chucky

Today's creepy Halloweeny link comes to you from Key West, Florida, home of Robert the Haunted Doll. If you are fan of scary, evil dolls (and frankly, who isn't?!), you will love this story.

The story in a nutshell is that Robert was made a long time ago by some (possibly mistreated and underpaid) servants for a wealthy family. The servants, who practiced voodoo, "created" the doll for the young boy of the family, using his clothes and bits of his hair. The boy loved the doll, gave him a name, and treated him like a living person.

Pretty soon, strange things began to happen. Robert would be spotted in different areas of the house, and the young boy would blame his nightmares and other odd occurrences on the doll.

This link tells the story better.

Robert still "resides" in his original home, still receives visitors, and still clutches his little pet lion. The local community believes in his... presence. He is super old now, and showing some wear and tear, but he is quite the attraction, especially around Halloween.

It's a great story, and allegedly a true one, so go ahead. Check out the link and the videos. Just be careful: Robert knows when you read about him.

I'm Not Dressing as a Republican This Year

Eight more days till Halloween! This year, not only does it fall on a Saturday, it's also day-light savings, so you're practically required to go out. Of course, I have no plans, as I am just another 30-something kidless loser who still insists on dressing up somehow and going out somewhere on her favorite holiday. Oh, well.

So, what are you going as? I have ruled out the obligatory Michael Jackson zombie and sexy Watchmen chick in favor of something lower maintenance: swine flu, perhaps. Hey, scrubs and pig ears - it's easy and topical! I know! Yes, you can steal my idea if you want.

I was just cruisin' the internets for something Halloweeny to link to, and I think I found something, at least for today. Do you know what's super creepy? Victorian post-mortem photography. (Warning: this may be more than a little disturbing if you have kids. I don't know. It's super creepy, so just keep some emotional distance, at least.) If you saw that film The Others, you might remember when they stumbled upon the "Book of the Dead," a moment I personally found to be one of the scariest parts of the film. I've never forgotten it.

So, enjoy! Coming up next: creepy dolls.

Bears that sing... and may kill you

I love opera, and I even love teddy bears. But I must admit, Singing Opera Bears creep me out just a tad.

I Lost the Linky in the Excitement. Sorry.

I was coming here to post a link to an article I read yesterday that I thought was from The Hater at The Onion's Avclub, and now I can't find it. Don't you hate that? Apparently, I have completely forgotten where I read it. Anyway, it was a hilarious recap of Oprah's recent nostalgia show extolling the the 1960's, by way of "Mad Men." She somehow works her "Favorite Things" into it, praising electric toothbrushes from the era, as well as mascara, since it was invented in the 60's, and we all seem to "take it for granted." Yeah, Classic O!

Anyway, I'm sorry I haven't blogged in ages; I've been super busy trying to set up essentially two business, while still holding on by the end of my fingernails to my current part-time job. It's called recession incentive! I'll be back shortly with updates, but things is good. Coffee this weekend? Okey doke - see you then!

Yes, I Read My Horoscope.

This was my horoscope for today:

You're like a shark in the deep waters of the working world. You are slick. You are sleek. You are good looking, but those good looks belie razor-sharp, highly effective tools for getting what you want. The little fishies had better watch out, because you are on the hunt. Go ahead and chase those fishies. But don't go tracking any new business projects down -- they'll come to you. If they don't, spend the day studying the weather conditions.

I think my horoscope is high.

My Psychic Friends, Network

An acting colleague of mine, Wendy, has developed a new series here which is a parody of the Ghost Hunting shows on cable. I have to admit, those ghost hunting shows are a guilty pleasure of mine, even though I realize they're totally hokey (or are they??).

Anyway, if you start with Episode One, you will meet the team, including Wendy, who is "the psychic;" another member who compares ghost hunting to doing drywall; and a third who claims to be an "internet certified exorcist" who "accidentally opened a wormhole to a Satanic dimension" as a child. Silly stuff. You should check it out.

From Russia, A Century Ago

This is the most amazing thing: color photos of life in Russia, 100 years ago! I know, I didn't believe it either, but it must be for real, because the Library of Congress restored the photos. You should definitely check it out.

"Clay Figures Go Home!"

Just for fun, an old MST3K short.
Gumby!

(Sometimes you can't differentiate between the actual voices and the MST3K bots.)

I am thinking of my voice teacher today. He and his wife lost their 20 year-old son in the Pan Am flight that was bombed and crashed in Lockerbie, Scotland, in 1988. He had been studying abroad and was returning home for the holidays. He was a student at Syracuse University and was studying music.

Today, August 20, Scotland lets the only convicted man from that bombing return home to die of cancer. Today, August 20, is also the birthday of this boy, who would have turned 41 today.

It's a gross irony. I only know about it because I looked up the information on the victim website. I haven't seen my voice teacher in two weeks, but I wonder what he is thinking today.

God bless the innocent victims and the families of victims who suffer from senseless violence and terror. I hope there is a special place in Heaven for all of them.

Updated, 8/28: I found a quote from my teacher in a newspaper about the release. He said:

"I am thinking as a decent human being. Let the man go and die in his own country -- he's dying anyhow. Keeping him in prison is not going to cure the illness that this whole thing is an example of, the killings and murders and the things that go on in mankind."

Mid-Year Crisis

I can't tell you how many times this summer I have wanted to write a self-pitying blog post. Because, actually, it's been a little tough this summer. I have been searching for a new job for what seems like ages, and after being a "finalist" for three positions, I still have turned up nothing. Money is tight and only gets tighter as each day goes by, and WAH. Poor, poor me.

Seriously, though, I think no one cares. I mean, of course, people care. They love me! I know you care! But there's only so much feeling sorry for yourself that you can do. Eventually, you just have to find a solution. The Universe is clearly trying to tell me something, so I better start listening.

I'm going to have to start teaching voice and guitar. I mean, why not? I know how to do both. I know I can teach voice, I think I may actually enjoy teaching voice, I'm just nervous about my limited piano skills. But I've been told that it's really no big deal. And guitar: I'm going to teach acoustic. Lots of people want to learn chords and stuff, right? I figure: I can see what teaching is like, and I can get paid better than my other part-time job.

So, please keep your fingers crossed for me. I think my time has finally arrived to get out there and be a real artist. Which inevitably involves teaching. And outreach performances. And the dreaded AUDITIONS. It is time!

But if a nice, comfy secretarial position presents itself in the meantime, I'm totally snagging it.

I need a new hobby like I need a hole in the head

I'm pleased to announce that I have a new obsession. No, it's not a movie star, sillies! (Though if you haven't yet seen 500 Days of Summer, do yourself a favor. Joseph Gordon-Levitt is adors!) l

I'll give you a few hints: 1. It's a sport. (That is shocking enough, for me) 2. It used to be popular, and professionally played, until it started dying out about 20+ years ago. 3. It now has a cult following. 4. It is badass.

I read an article about it a few years ago, and ever since, I keep thinking about it. I want to play. I want to suit up. I want to roll around in circles in knock people down!

Guessed yet?





Roller Freakin Derby, people! And I'm also pretty excited about this movie coming out.

I've found a league in DC, and it looks like, to join - or at least to "try out"- you just need to be 18 years old or over and have health insurance (heh). But I think I will wait till I get a better employment situation since I will need to buy all the gear and stuff.

Am I going to go through with it? I don't know. I'm kind of hoping I'll burn myself out before I even get to the rink (I'm pretty sure Mr. P is hoping that, too). Right now I'm trying to think of a good alias. I won't say my ideas yet because I don't want anyone to steal them, but I will say that it will be more creative than "Iron Maiden."

Natalie Portman as the Madonna

This is kind of fun. Two of my favorite things together: celebrities, and fine art.

Altered States

Have you ever woken from your sleep and not known exactly where you are? Like, if you've been traveling, or you're just extremely tired, and the room is very dark, and it takes you a few seconds to remember where you are, or what you were doing last night?

Two nights ago, I woke up in the middle of the night, and not only did I not know where I was, I actually didn't know who I was. No kidding! It was as if I was completely... blank. Nothing. Slate wiped clean. In only a few seconds, I remembered, but the pieces were swirling around and assembling in my imagination like a celestial puzzle. It was the most bizarre experience. I thought... I live in -- Rockville. Yeah. Wait, why do I live in Rockville?! And then, after a few seconds of this, I just went back to sleep.

Of course, I told Mr. P this story, and he got kind of scared and then sad, and he whispered, "you're not going crazy on me, are you?" But I didn't mean to scare him, nor was I worried about myself. I actually thought it was cool, like an interesting, new mental state. (Ha- now I sound crazy.) But seriously, it was so relaxing to be blank! I can see where perpetual blankness would be inconvenient, but a few seconds? I almost wish I could tap into that place again.

Barack, Barack, Barack Obama!

I just had to post this video in honor of Obama's visit to Ghana. Warning: it is the catchiest tune ever. It will wriggle its way into your ear and never leave. Still: pretty entertaining. He's really shakin' that cane, too.

Rock the Night Away

Damn. Farrah Fawcett and Michael Jackson in one day. It's as if my big brother's adolescent room just went *poof.*

I say "my brother," but I, of course, was into both: Charlie's Angels for a brief stint, and Jackson for much longer. One of my favorite and earliest "Michael Jackson Memory" is of going into my brother's room and pulling out his vinyl copy of the "Off The Wall." It was a great album, and I loved opening up the record to reveal his full-body photo. Heh.

I also remember MJ being a big deal at summer camp. My camp friends and I once choreographed a group dance to "PYT," and when there was a lice breakout (Ew!), we would sing, "Lice, Lice... doo doo doot doot..." along to "Human Nature."

During my young adulthood in France, I revisited MJ, seriously rocking out one evening to "Billie Jean" at the Paris Fireman's Ball (don't ask), as well as regularly dancing to that album with "Man in the Mirror" and "The Way You Make Me Feel" with my pianist friend Paul. I used to sing with Paul - he introduced me to the vocal music of Rachmaninoff and Faure - and after our Sunday afternoon sessions, we would take a break from classical, crank up Michael Jackson, and drink wine, dance, and cook. Good times.

I'm sure there are many more memories, and if I had to sit down and list my favorite songs of all time, Michael Jackson's tunes may take up two or three spots, at least. The only happiness we can take from his demise is no longer having to worry about his descent into crazy/plastic surgery hell, and knowing that his music will live forever. God bless, Michael. I hope you found Farrah up there, and that you two are enjoying some peace, at last.

Update-let

Hella busy right now and through next week...

Co-worker had a baby and it's just me - urgh. On the bright side: I HAD AN INTERVIEW. And they called right afterwards and scheduled A SECOND INTERVIEW.

Keep your little fingers crossed! Things may be looking up for quesa!

See you soon.

Holy Smokes; this is Big!

Can you imagine if Obama had lost this past election? Worse, he won, but the election was stolen from him? Even worse: he ran against Bush (for a 3rd term), and Bush stole the election? Of course, that would never happen in our country. But if it had, we would be like Iran, right?

I was both highly anticipating and dreading the election last November, because I knew if Obama lost - even fair and square- there would be some mightily irate citizens on the streets. (Read: there would be riots. Like April 1968. Entire neighborhoods destroyed.) Thankfully, not only did he win, but there was, for the most part, joy in the land.

Which is why I am positively transfixed upon the news coming out of Iran the last few days. A revolution is being waged in a large and globally important country in the world. A thirty year-old institution of power is being threatened. The people - just regular citizens - are rising up and asking for their fair share. And, in an unprecedented fashion, information technology is playing a vital role.

The fate of the Middle East may ride on what happens next in Iran. History is unfolding, again! Are you paying attention?

I got a hunch

I haven't been blogging recently because I simply can't decide what to blog about. Yeah, that's it. Thankfully, this website could help me get going, on any decision!

I haven't fully explored it yet, but it looks kind of fun. It's a decision-challenged person's dream!

Who and What is Annoying Me Lately: May '09

1. Movies in theatres. There are so many bad movies out right now! I just saw Terminator, but only because I was desperate to get out of the house and get me some cheap entertainment. Aside from a few helicopter crashes and interesting chase scenes, it was pretty much a bore. But what else am I supposed to see? Tom Hanks in the Vatican Library? Ben Stiller fighting monkeys at the museum? Star Freakin' Trek?? God!

2. Susan Boyle. Look, I don't want to be a hater. I've already complained once about her hype, and now it seems that her 15 minutes are turning into an hour. Can we all chip in and send her a good voice teacher, STAT? She is just not. that. good. OK? Let it go, tone deaf people.

3. Ashton Kutcher as the King of Twitter. I'm giving twitter a chance, because it looks like you can discover many cool things there (it's like surfing the net, but in a condensed and hyper-fast way), but Ashton is not my oracle, and if he is yours, you need a life.

4. Job Search Scams. I just got conned by a job advertisement and the subsequent submission of my information and resume. I don't think they've stolen my identity (yet), but I got my revenge by reporting them to the authorities. Scammers preying on vulnerable job seekers belong in the 4th circle of Hell, the one meant for the greedy, where they make you push around money bags.

5. Reality Show "Celebrities." Am I really supposed to feel sorry for "celebrities" who decide to do reality shows in order "to provide for their families?" If you have done one of the following: sold a Senate seat, famewhored out your D-List self, or complained about the cheating husband who fathered your eight babies, I am probably less likely to watch your stupid show.

From Friends to Followers

I have discovered Twitter, and I'm pretty sure it will be my new addiction. I'm tweeting, y'all! So far, I have two tweets and 5 followers, but it's a start.

So, c'mon! Follow me, quesadelia, and all my wisdoms, on twitter. I will follow you, too.

As the Parents Turn

I received a happy surprise early last year when my father, who lives deep in the low country of South Carolina, informed me that he would be voting for Barak Obama in the Democratic primary. I almost dropped my phone, but I should have seen it coming. My dad had been conservative for a long time and in more ways that one, but he started to break from his Republican voting ways when Bush the Younger ran for president. However, a vote for Obama (and in the primary, no less) would be his first vote for a Democrat I think, ever.

The weirdness has not stopped here. Dear ol' Dad, former carnivore, is now a vegetarian. Technically, he is a vegan, because he is also avoiding dairy and eggs, but he hasn't yet owned up to this title. Sometime last year, (about the time he started voting democratic, coincidentally enough) his doctor informed him that he may need to get a heart valve replacement in a few years. He immediately began researching heart disease and diets, and he honed in on a diet recommendation developed by an actual heart doctor: a vegetarian diet. I won't link to it here because I don't remember the name of the book or the doctor, but the book is a best seller and the diet is being practiced by an entire fire station in Austin, Texas. (Manly men who fight fires can eat vegetarian!) What is shocking to me about my Dad's change of heart (!!), is my memory of eating vegetarian myself during my college days, and my dad silently thinking I was a freak for doing so. Ok, maybe that's not fair; maybe he just didn't completely understand, but that's what I was picking up on.

And NOW, my mother (my parents are divorced) has begun protesting. That is: she went to one of those "tea parties" on Tax Day. When I phoned her up late in the afternoon of April 15 to ask her an unrelated question, she informed me, in a tone of irony, that she had just been to a "tea party." I figured she had gone to one of her old-lady sorority gatherings, so I just said, "that's nice." She went on to describe the sign they made, and how there were many different kinds of people there, "democrats and republicans," and how the turn out was pretty good. "Oh. Oh! You went to one of those?!" And my immediate thought was, they watch too much Fox News. Which is true.

But hey, should I be more understanding? Open minded? Proud? After all, my parents are becoming me in college!

I said Don't Mess with It

Isn't it so hipster to blog your clever conversations? I know! Here's one that happened last night chez nous:

Mr. P: Why are they always saying "Don't Mess with Texas?" Is anyone actually messing with Texas?

Me: Not since they've been warned.

Mr. P: Are other states picking fights with Texas?

Me: Well, Mexico messed with Texas once, and it ended badly. For Mexico.

Mr. P: But I'm not messing with Texas. Why won't they leave me alone?

Me: You know, I love my friends and family in Texas; I even love many of the cities and towns, but yeah; it does seem like Texas has a giant chip on its shoulder.

Thank goodness Mr. P is from Poland and can point these things out to me. He always helps me to see the world from a different perspective.

Next step in my job search: Black Magic

It's 9:00 a.m., and the dog has already accomplished more than I have. He has managed to destroy: a softball (that the neighbor kid knocked over our fence), and the kitty box scooper (he chewed up the handle, giving it a more avant-garde look).

I haven't updated in a while because I've been super preoccupied with trying to find a new job, which I need, like, yesterday. I had an interview with a temp agency last week, because I'm an American, and when I want something, I need instant gratification. Are temp agencies like the fast-food of the employment world? I don't care. At least they can give me access to jobs which are not necessarily advertised. Anyway, the agency is interested in me and wants to place me in a particular permanent position, but they are "waiting to hear back from the client." That was almost a week ago. I was hoping they would just start putting me on temp assignments so I could at least give notice, but what I plan and hope and what the universe gives me are usually two very different things. All I really want is a straight-forward job and a non-psycho boss. Is that too much to ask? Please keep your fingers crossed for me that these two wishes come true! I'm not so excited, really, to jump back into the full-time job gig, but life is expensive, and both of us have to bring home the bacon it seems.

In addition to my interview last week, I also saw an alternative healer to help ease me of my anxiety, and boy, is that a story. It was really awesome and helped, especially with alleviating the toxic energy I had been engaging from my boss. But I must post this story separately. It's a weird one, though, but you wouldn't expect less from me now, would you?

Get Your Gay On

Here's a thought: if you are against gay marriage, don't marry a gay person.

Have you seen that horrific video about the gay storm coming? (Stephen Colbert nicely mocked it on his show.) It deserves to be mocked. If these so-called "Christians" would stop using the bible to deny consenting adults their equal rights and focus on being actual, tolerant, compassionate Christians, they might brush the fog from their eyes (storm pun!) and see that the real threat to marriage - gay or straight - is domestic violence and irresponsible adults who raise irresponsible children.

Do you know why some believe that gay marriage "threatens" straight marriage? Because once gay marriage is legalized, some closeted people will realize their marriage is actually a sham. They'll think, oh, no! All this time, and I could have just married a man/woman!

Here's a stupid little parody I found:

A Gaythering Storm from Jane Lynch

I just want to say a tiny little thing about the whole, sudden "Susan Boyle" thing that's going around from Britain's Got Talent. (If you don't know what I'm talking about, please look up the video, and come back and read my wisdom here.)

So, B.G.T. totally sets up her performance they way shows like that often do: Look! Weird, not very attractive woman is going to sing! And she thinks she's going to be awesome! Ah, hah hah hah! She's totally going to bomb, and we will all laugh and laugh and laugh. Then: she starts to sing, and... it's not horrible. The audience goes wild. Suddenly, she goes from being a potential laughing stock to everyone's best friend.

To Ms. Boyle's credit, she is pretty good. I'm glad she's being heard on the show, and good for her for having the courage to get up there and sing at all. But here's the deal. This incident could be used in college courses as an example of how shallow our society really is. Perhaps that's a sweeping statement, as reality shows are not "society" at large, but given how everyone since is passing around that video and gawking at it, I just have to group it all together. As a singer, I have seen and heard the most amazing voices come out of the most unlikely of candidates, if you will. It's true that you cannot judge a book by the cover. But doesn't the whole thing seem patronizing? She does not sing amazingly, first of all. She sings well, but there is tension and her breath is short. What? Hey, she's a singer, and she's due for some constructive criticism. This is not a mentally handicapped person we are listening to. And that is precisely my point. Everyone is hailing her as some kind of phenomenon, but she's just a lady who happens to sing well.

The judges were especially stupid about it after her performance. The guy (not Simon) said this was his "biggest yes" or some such nonsense, and the woman judge actually had the gall to remark how "everyone was against [her] at first, but now everyone loves [her] and wasn't it unexpected?" At least Simon had the decency to say tongue-in-cheek that he fully expected her to be wonderful and she was.

So, Ms. Boyle: good luck to you. I hope you go far and get some much overdue attention and singing work, and...etc. But please do not take their crap. You are awesome because you are you, not because you are "special." You know what I mean?

Random offspring

I just learned that my new crush, Jeffrey Dean Morgan (of two posts ago), has learned that he has a four-year-old son! I'm not sure how I feel about that. It's rather... studly of him, to have had a kid he didn't even know about. And why is the mother just now letting him now? Mmmm.

Just Pick a Name and Stick with It Already

So, apparently, Freedom Tower is no longer the name of the building that will replace our former World Trade Center twin towers. Which is fine by me, because the word "Freedom" in any name, title, or brand will forever remind me of "Freedom Fries," as well as the whole patriotism backlash and paranoid overuse of the word freedom in general that happened after 9/11.

The new name? "One World Trade Center." Is this better? On the one hand, it's nice that they're going back to using "World Trade Center," as if to say, they were knocked down, but by God, we'll build back and call it the same thing. On the other hand, I can't help but think of the Count from Sesame Street and picture him going, "There were TWO towers! TWO! Ah hah hah hah! But now there is ONE Tower! ONE World Trade Center! Ah hah hah hah! TWO! ONE! AH HAH HAH HAH!" Wouldn't he have fun with that one?

The Count used to scare me as a kid.

Germ Free, 485 days and counting

I haven't had a cold since November 1997. That's one year and 4 months of cough, sore throat, nasal congestion free days! Holy rhinitis! Do you know that colds used to be the bane of my existence, my greatest inconvenience, my most frequent sickness? And somehow, I have warded off even the slightest colds for a year and 4 months. I haven't taken or even bought cold medication for all that time.

The cold I caught in August 2007 was a real doozy, though. I took one trip to Britain, and by the time I returned home, I had laryngitis, impacted sinuses, and a wretched cough. With a recital planned that October, I sung through all the gunk, thinking some over-the-counter meds with a sprinkling of denial would make it go away. It didn't, and a week before my recital, I had to postpone. I could not shake my cough, and nothing worked. Finally, my mother in law, all the way from Poland, recommended I try marshmallow root, an herb (or root, rather) that has been used since, allegedly, Ancient Egypt for coughs and throat irritation. Folks, she was not joking about this stuff. I was completely cured within 10 days! You can buy marshmallow root at a health food store - possibly one more hardcore than Whole Foods - and you just boil it for tea. It works, like a Mo Fo. I don't know if taking this magical marshmallow is the reason I haven't been afflicted with colds since, but I do find it a rather interesting coincidence.

I don't really have a good reason for making this post, other than to thank my lucky, lucky stars for my good health. Of course, now that I've posted it, I'll probably come down with a cold. Better stock up on the marsh' and go get some sleep!

Watchmen and Watching Men: An Update of my Celebrity Crushes

I was feeling a bit ho-hum about the Watchmen mania, until this week. Is it possible that the hype bored itself into my brain and made me want to see it, or am I just a huge sucker for eye candy? I know one thing: I am painfully not au courant on graphic novels, which is too bad, because I do enjoy them, I just kind of, you know, forget about them. So I'm going to have to ignore the mixed reviews Watchmen the Movie is getting and go see it because: A. it looks like an interesting story, B. I'm a fan of flawed super heroes, and C. hello: did I mention the eye candy?

Look, I'm a woman, and I have visual needs. I also have an ever-changing list of celebrity crushes, and only recently did I notice that the top spots are usually held by hunky super heroes. Wait, does Wolverine count as a superhero? Because Wolverine made me love Hugh Jackman, and he has been in my top three since the first X-Men came out. Christian Bale made a quick trajectory to my heart after his first Batman, but since the real Bale has lost his temper one too many times, he has dropped a few notches. Eric Bana brought more Aussie goodness to my short list, although not from the Hulk role. I think Munich did it for me. Then, others fall in line: Ioan Gruffuld, Liev Schreiber, Billy Crudup, Brian Williams... oh my, did I just say Brian Williams?! He isn't a super hero, but he certainly is a super news anchor, and apparently, I just became post-menopausal. At this rate, I may as well add Stephen Colbert, who, incidentally, has a super hero alter ego...

All this nattering on serves only to set up and introduce my newest celebrity crush: Jeffrey Dean Morgan.


I knew him from Supernatural, because I don't watch Grey's Anatomy, but seeing him in photos and trailers for Watchmen has placed him firmly into my top ten, possibly in the top slot. I mean, it's about time I crushed on someone new. I realize that his character, the Comedian, is supposed to be a bad guy, even dangerous, and I'm not a fan of the mustache, either (in some photos), but I can imagine a 1940's-style panache that the mustache gives him, as long as he's wearing all that super hero garb and looking like he has some sexy and evil hidden agenda. You probably noticed Crudup, aka Dr. Manhattan, on my list, but no, not for Watchmen. Crudup looks like a guy in France I briefly dated, a handsome devil to be sure, and trouble, too, but I'm not so into overly buff, naked blue dudes without pupils.

No; for me, Morgan trumps even handsome Patrick Wilson, just as Batman trumps Superman, Ironman trumps Spiderman, and Wolverine trumps Cyclops. I guess I likes 'em a little rough around the edges. Welcome to the club, Jeffrey! Would you like to see my Catwoman costume?

It's another installment of What's Annoying Me Lately!

I know, I know; someone on the web does this better than I, but she has her peeves, and I have mine.

Octo-Mom. You might be crazy if: your own parents go on Oprah to tell the world that you are crazy. Besides the hilarious moniker which sounds like a certain villain from a Spider Man comic, O.M. is no longer amusing. According to her dad, she would say at each of her pregnancies, "I promise, this is the last one!" Lady, they are not potato chips. I just wonder, if the doctors deem it acceptable to artificially knock her up time and time again, could they possibly bring her back to the hospital, drug her up, and close her uterus or something? Is that really so much worse than what has already been done?

Conservatives. They're planning a comeback, y'all! And there's nothing America loves more than a good comeback. Don't you love how they found the Republican version of Barak Obama in Gov. Jindal? Except, he looks like a tan Kenneth the Page and has absolutely nothing to say. He's like Bizarro Obama. (Again with the Superheroes...) And boy, they are really knocking it out of the park with the Governors. As long as Limbaugh and Romney (the Stormin' Mormon) are heading up this movement with slogans like "Conservatives Love People," then we could at least be in for a comedic comeback. Ah, but I do miss the days of rich comic material from Capitol Hill.

The ever swinging pendulum of inane food studies. I know this is not a recent trend, but just this last week on morning TV (I know), I heard about how moderate drinking can cause breast cancer in women, frozen vegetables are better for you than fresh vegetables, and calories are a more important factor in dieting than fat or carbs. I don't want to discount health studies, but they are not all created equal. I pine for a culture that is not so hyperactive about every item of food that goes into its mouth and can simply enjoy the normal, moderate pleasures of eating and drinking. It also doesn't help that on these morning shows they are yapping one minute about how organic peas can kill you, and then, after a commercial break, they're snarfing down Martha Stewart's chocolate cake or guacamole like there's no tomorrow.

Morning TV Shows. I'm still undecided about which major network has the least annoying morning news. Since I've cut the cable, I'm stuck with only a handful of channels, and while I don't really miss cable (maybe a little bit), I have a hard time stomaching Al Roker's mug mooning back at me every morning, or Ann Curry's self important journalist act, or even Diane Sawyer dressing like she's still 30. If I'm still puttering around by the time Regis and Kelly come on, I can tolerate them for a while. That is probably not a good sign.

Thoughts about Oscar

I thought this year's Academy Awards was a pretty good show! You can see below that I ended up liveblogging it, but it was an experiment, as I've never liveblogged before. I had fun, but I see that I made a lot of spelling errors due to typing and posting too quickly.

So, what worked about the show, and what didn't? (Why does anyone care? Why, I care so you don't have to!)

Hugh Jackman as host. Can it be that, after all these failed hosts, Oscar has found Mr. Right? He's charming, handsome, funny (and not the forced, "I'm-a-comedian-and-have-to-be-funny funny), and he can put on show by himself. Hugh is the kind of person who, if you were alone with him on a desert island, he would totally endeavor to entertain you all day, and you would love every minute. Wait: alone on a desert island with Hugh Jackman? Where is my mind going here? Give me just a minute, will you?

The 5 presenters for 5 nominees schtick. You know how, each year, the AAs come up with some clever (read: NOT CLEVER), new schtick that they try very hard to make work? Remember when they made the "non-important" winners like Sound, Makeup, and Costume Designers stand in the audience and give their acceptance speech at their seats? Or the year they stuck Donald Sutherland and Glenn Close up in the balcony to give commentary like the Muppet Old Men except not funny? Yeah, those were great ideas. And this year did not disappoint, as each acting award was presented by 5 previous winners giving personal, gag-inducing tributes to each of the noms. Why can't we just watch 20-second clips of their performances? This presentation effort felt like a fraternity/sorority tribute to its new pledges. Yuck. I can't wait to see what they'll come up with next year!

Judd Apatow's Short Film. I haven't seen Pineapple Express, but now I want to because James Franco is an adorable stoner. I loved how they were dying laughing at The Reader and Doubt, and how James felt moved by his big kiss scene with Sean Penn. In fact, it's so enjoyable, I've posted it here for your viewing pleasure:



So, other than that: not much more to say about the show quality itself. As for the awards, there were pretty much no surprises. This is the first time in many years that I agree with the Best Film winner, and even the Best Actress winner did not dissolve into a puddle of wailing crocodile tears (I'm looking at you: Roberts, Paltrow, Swank....).

Let me just leave you with one little thought: are you seeing how the AAs are slipping away from America? This is the second year in a row that almost all the acting awards have gone to non-Americans (last year was 4-for-4), and this year, even the Best Film and big sweeper wasn't American. I support the AAs being international; I'm just saying that Hollywood might consider coming up with some better ideas, and American actors might step up their game, or at this rate, we'll be watching los Oscaros next year televised from Mumbai or Toronto or something.

SLUMDOG, BIATCHES. Take a lesson, Hollywood. Depressing movies only win if you put a happy love story in them.
Goodnight, mateys! Gotta join Hugh for some Hollywood parties!

Sure, thank Mickey now. After you stole his Oscar!

Mickey was robbed!!! At least there was one upset.

Is Mickey Rourke tired of hearing about how he f*cked up and then made a comeback?

Kate just told Meryl to suck it! Wow!

Nicole Kidman has "two turkeys nesting in her titties." (Thanks, Mr. P)

I'm really glad that Sophia Loren made it out of that tanning bed.

Best actress category: bring on the waterworks.

Jack Nicholson is not here tonight. This is a new era.

Danny Boyle for Slumdog! Suck it, Benjamin Button!

Reese is not wearing silver. I'm not sure what she's wearing, but it's really drapy. (drapey?)

I would hate to be the Presenter for the Deceased. Oh, my god; she's singing, too.

#6 for the 'dog. Bollywood is kicking Hollywood's ASS tonight.

I think this is #5 for Slumdog. Woof!

The musical score cat is boring. Slumdog is the only one that stands out.

Jerry Lewis is almost 83 years old! Dude looks good.

Wait, a tribute to Jerry Lewis? What is this, France?

Slumdog, #4! Holy Bollywood! Wait, what category is this? Seriously, I think I just fell asleep.

"Hugh is napping." Heh. Well, he does have a big job.

Dark Knight gets sound editing. Huzzah.

Benjamin Button is sweeping the artistic and technical categories. Probably not what Brad intended, exactly.

The car montage features this year's best and worst movies.

Best Documentary: MAN ON WIRE. Another disguised Best Film of the Year category.

Wow, I can't imagine how difficult that was for the Ledger family. Total class act.

Robert Downey Jr is pissed the Cuba Gooding Jr is presenting him. Wait, they're both juniors! I get it.

Philip Seymour Hoffman is dressed like a thief tonight.

OMG: Best Supporting Actor. I'm actually nervous.

"and more of Hugh Jackman," says the presenter. Oh, well, in that case! I'll stay put!

Hugh is really excited that the musical is back. He is so gay.

Ok, I'll give it her: B. is better at the showtunes than her own stuff.

Oh, god. Beyonce. Just when the show was going so well!

Hee, awesome film, Apatow.

Scientific category, and Jessica Biel is wearing SILVER. What a surprise. I'm gettin' a snack. See ya in a sec.

I'm glad Natalie wore pink. I thought my eyes were losing the ability to see color.

2nd Slumdog, bitches!! Not slummin' it anymore, eh?

Oh, SNAP! Stiller is playing Phoenix! Good think he's not there.

Ok, makeup for Benjamin Button. But that is IT, ok?

Godammit, why is Sarah J Parker still on the stage? For pete's sake.

They honored the hats in the Duchess. A deserving award.

Art Direction: this better be the only award Benjamin Button gets tonight.

SJP spent three hours setting her boobs tonight.

I just noticed that my blog is on California time. It's like I'm really there!

Why is the supporting actor category so much later than supporting actress. It's sexist.

Wall-E! Ee-va! It's funny that they put in an best animated film category since Pixar has been making the years' best films since they've been in business. This is the real Best Film of the Year category.

ALL of the women are wearing sliver tonight. Stop it!

Slumdog, bitches!!!!

MILKin' the first biggie! (Besides supporting). Sean is not angry.

Mocking Scientology! What's wrong with this show? Why is it actually funny?

Now, see: Penelope giving her acceptance speech in a language that is not her first, and she is controlled and interesting. Take notes, Americans.

Oh, I get it. 5 presenters for 5 nominees. We're in for a long night.

Ladies and gentleman: this a record. No mention of Jack Nicholson yet! Good sign!

You know, if you have to do a movie musical montage, you could do worse than Hugh Jackman and homemade sets.

Marisa Tomei is wearing origami. Still, she looks gorgeous. Dammit, people. Give me something to work with here.

Ah, they're honoring the accountants. How sweet. Good thing they're not bankers, or this would be a different montage.

Dresses are on the bland side this year. Where is the fuschia, wings, and door knockers? C'mon people.

Robert Downey Junior looks normal and good! That wife has been good for him.

The Slumdog kids are adorable. I hope they get fat royalty checks for the rest of their lives.

So far, no crazy outfits, but Sarah Jessica Parker just corrected her interviewer on his French, "Christian Dior haute couture," and it didn't sound any different than how the guy said it.

The Oscars are here! Bring on the crazy!

Life is better with a dog

Disclaimer: I know I'm turning into an annoying dog owner. But I just have to say: living with a dog for just two months now has actually improved my life. Here's how!

I exercise. Before having a dog, I would use my treadmill, maybe, two or three times a week, in addition to one leisurely walk per day. Mr. P and I used to walk on the slow side - no speed walking for us, no siree! But now, not only do we have to walk at least twice daily (usually three times), we have to walk a few miles in the morning to properly tire out the dog, and at a rather brisk pace. Mr. P has already dropped two pant sizes, and his latest new pair of jeans is already falling off him! I feel a little firmer, too, though I'm not sure if I've lost inches or weight. My energy level is definitely better, though.

I smile in the mornings. I've never been a morning person, and as I get older, I worry about things, so I used to start every morning with thoughts of dread. Isn't that sad? But now, even if I have the same worries, seeing the dog smile and wag his tail at me first thing in the morning makes me smile, too.

I am more organized. Whatever is not put away - especially shoes - is fair game for the dog. Dutchie believes that all paper exists for his shredding amusement. Which is annoying, and I hope he grows out of this, but in the meantime, I need to pick up after myself. I forgot how "the dog ate my homework" was once a valid excuse.

I have moments of unabashed joy. You know how children have that innocent lust for life? So do dogs. When I play with Dutchie, I am able to escape my burdens and realize that running through a field at top speed is the greatest thing in the world.

Someone understands me (warning: annoying post)

I'm not completely sure that I didn't write this.

It's a little cold and sarcastic for something that I might write, but it speaks the truth: the truth I'm afraid to say out loud. I'm turning 37 in just a few months, so the end of my childbearing years are growing nigh. Will I do it? Will I abstain?

Stay tuned.

We shall continue to overcome

This is a fascinating little video of an interview with MLK, Jr., in 1964, speaking about the possibility of a black president of the U.S. God bless the man whose faith in humanity made him one of the greatest civil rights leaders of all time. I know he will be looking down on all of us with a smile on Tuesday.

I will not be "blogging the 'Naug," as I plan to enjoy it from the warmth of my home. Since I missed the boat on buying tickets, I am not willing to sit for 6 to 10 hours in the freezing cold just to watch the show on a jumbotron. I feel bad about "missing history," but actually, I feel very much a part of it all. Even yesterday, Sunday, I sang in a special MLK/Inaugural church service downtown, and after singing a few spirituals, the choir processed down the aisle to close the service with the hymn, "We Shall Overcome." This hymn always makes me cry just to hear it, so singing it was a near impossibility for me. As I stood beside a pew during the last verse, a congregation member reached out and took my hand. A few seconds later, the preacher urged all of us to do the same, and within seconds, the whole church was holding hands and singing this spiritual anthem. It was beautiful.

Happy New Era, America!

It's time for me to step up and help the economy

I had trouble getting dressed this morning. Here were Mr. P's reactions to each outfit I tried on, in chronological order:

-"That skirt is really short. It looks like you're going club'ing."

-"That dress with that sweater under it makes you look like a German theater actress from the 80's." (I'm not sure where he got that, but it was true.)

-"Yeah! That works!" (I walk into the sunlight) "Oh, wait; no, it doesn't."

-"Your boobs are busting out of that shirt."

-"Don't you have any normal pants?"

Why, no, no, I don't!! Take me shopping!!

Facebook is giving me social anxiety

Reasons why I am almost over Facebook:

1. Nearly half of my high school graduating class is on now, and they are my "friends." Why are they suddenly my friends when I only had, oh, I dunno, about a dozen real friends when we were all in school together? It may sound cold, but I really don't care about most of these women. I haven't seen the majority of them since graduation, and no one has ever bothered to send notes to the alumnae magazine, so why should I suddenly be interested? Also, it's going to be much more difficult to avoid my 20 year high school reunion.

2. Now that my high school class is one big happy group of friends, I get to hear all about their exciting (read: boring) lives and their adorable (read: um, yeah) little children. Look, I don't lead an exciting life either, but I don't want to hear the details of the lives of unexciting strangers.

2.a. Just so that you know I am not a total curmudgeon, there are a few women I care about from my high school.

3. My senior year prom date is on Facebook, but he has not friended me. He has friended my friends. He has friended my former best friend who stabbed me in the back senior year, and he has friended my friend who stole him from me a few weeks after prom when the senior class went to Destin, FL, but I stayed behind. She shacked up with him on some boat down there. He lives in Ohio now.

4. One of my former boyfriends from college has been hanging out in my Friend Suggestion box for weeks now. "Boyfriend" may be a generous term for someone whom I casually dated for a few months sophomore year and coldly sloughed off because I was both insecure about boys (I know), and his friends annoyed me. It's true. I broke up with this nice boy because he had this best friend who was really super annoying and always hanging out with us. One of my college friends "suggested" him to me on FB (not the annoying friend), and I'm sure he did the same to the guy by suggesting me, so I'm waiting to see if former "boyfriend" will make his move. So far, it's an impasse. But I figure, as long as he doesn't even have a profile picture, I don't need to friend him.

5. I'm tired of seeing the status updates of my performer "friends" who work all the time. "OMG:got an audition!" "OMG: read my great review!" "OMG: my latest album won a ____ award!" Shut up, performing artists with work.

6. My parents are on FB. All FOUR of them. Enough said.

I can't just stop visiting Facebook to avoid this general awkwardity. I do enjoy seeing many of my friends there as well as snooping on others whom I wouldn't otherwise know what they're doing. I can see where internet social interaction is like real social interaction: both make me passive aggressive.